Pretty big words, separation and abandonment..
When I was ten days old, I was adopted into an amazing family in the Scottish Borders.
I couldn’t have wanted or asked for a more charmed life, better parents or brother and sisters.
I was born on the 14th of December. Ten days later, my parents drove through the snow to pick me up and bring me home.
There’s always been a slightly ‘Christmas Present’ feeling about my adoption – not quite Jesus in a manger – but not far off it!
From then I’ve had a charmed and lucky life, with everything that that brings, two happy marriages, two children and my own lovely stepson too.
I’m a therapist as well as a teacher.
If I’m going to review your life and make suggestions about what you should change to gain relief from emotional or physical illness, then it stands to reason that I should be assiduous with my own process.
It’s for this reason, that I don’t give up looking to find out what makes me tick.
If I can understand ME, then I have a small chance that I might be able to understand YOU too.
Very few of us are actually drawn to self-examination.
To be honest, it’s much less painful to hide the secrets away, or drink the bad thoughts away, than to ask the question – “why do I feel like this!?”
Chinese Medicine
In Chinese medicine the pathway is pretty clear – a toxic repeating thought, changes the flow of chemicals in the body, this over time leads to chronic illness.
So many of my clients come to me, having finished “Western Medicine” and without a path forward. This is when we start to look at what bitter blows have befallen them, and how we can work with the body and the mind (and Spirit) to bring about a true healing, from a deep level.
In the list of ways to “not think about” our problems, apart from shopping, eating, drinking, running, pornography to name a few, there’s also in my opinion – Meditation.
I think this can be an excellent way to cover over all sorts of raw memories and unhealthy patterns. I think it’s possible to spend years sitting in silence on a mat, waiting for something to happen, and find that you’ve just become a very quite, but deeply angry and unanswered person! (I understand that this is not the case for everybody – some find enlightenment! – I also read a story about a lady who found enlightenment standing at a bus stop in Paris one rainy Tuesday afternoon!)
The ability to sit in stillness is a truly excellent tool, in Zhineng Qigong, we use this as a fantastic way to rebuild our Qi. Low levels of energy are seen as one of the most basic factors in illness. The Yin calmness of sitting in a “nature state” is the perfect antidote to a twenty-first century Yang lifestyle.
It’s just like a bank balance, when you’ve spent it all, you have to do some “work” to rebuild the balance – quite literally!
Lonely
So, this is where you find me a few nights ago.
Feeling lonely.
That’s strange, because I have a lovely family still, wonderful children, a huge mass of friends, students and colleagues, and a very close confident and friend who is always there when I need her.
How’s it possible that I could feel lonely.
When it comes to these dark nights of the soul, I’m apt to dig up the idea that I was abandoned by my birth mother, to see if that has any relevance still.
I’ll sit in a still frame of mind, and pose my (higher?) self a question such as “what is the basis of this feeling?”
I have worked through the loss of my birth mother – you might be interested to know I eventually met her in my early 50’s and it was not the cataclysmic, seismic moment I had expected! She just turned out to be a lovely old lady, who had felt sorry for what had happened all her life, and was thrilled we could meet up. I expected the clouds to part, for the sun to come streaming through, but it was just – Nice…
So, whilst in deep contemplation my ‘higher-self’ said to me – “It’s your separation from the source” – it was a deeply profound and surprising moment.
It came to me in a flash – I’d only been sitting for about ten minutes! (I guess that when these ideas or inspirations are ready to be launched, then nothing will stand in the way, and this idea was read and clear.)
God?
What do I believe in?
I belive that we are all the consciousness of the universe, perhaps that makes us all part of God, or all part of the “all-there-is” or whatever way you want to see it.
For the first time, I saw that I had been adopted into the human race (as we all are I think) from this amazing wonderful soft and loving source, and roughly pushed through this tough birth canal into this chaotic, hard, harsh, loud and difficult world!!
I think we all suffer this deep feeling of separation from the source at some time in our lives.
Since religion scared the crap out of us about what happens when you die, then nobody wants to go there anymore!
I’m of the mind that it’s a sweet return to home, rather than a scary and bad thing!
This is not an acceptance of Suicide by the way, I genuinely feel that we are put on this Earth to do our level best, to be the best humans we can, and to improve the lot for all.
I really don’t think that shirking your part in this, by escaping is the right path at all. I understand how tough this world seems to many people, but in every moment of every day you have the opportunity to see the bad or the good.
Every moment your life renews itself, and every moment is a choice for you to react in a different way to your normal path.
A note on the great art of Manifesting.
Our American friends, who sell courses on how to get rich, and gain everything you want, well that’s a pyramid scheme in my opinion.
Mirror
Put simply, the Universe in a mirror…
On one side is the field of infinite possibility – where anything can be made to happen, on the other side is you and this play that we are all so caught up in.
If you are too busy getting upset by the media, having crises with your family and friends, or believing that you have terrible luck and only bad things happen to you, or that everybody is out to get you – then this will be the reality you experience.
The alternative is to change your demeanour, behave differently, be positive, react positively to events. Align yourself with the life you want. Treat yourself from time to time, eat in a good restaurant, have time off, and really belive that you deserve the best in life…
The field of possibilities takes a while to manifest, it doesn’t happen tomorrow, it takes time. Start living a better life, and life will start to treat you better.
In this, is the idea of being in service. Try to improve the life of everybody you meet, always.
When you meet their needs, they will be only to happy to help you meet yours..
Be in service of others and not yourself.
To be frank, we only ever are trying to get what we want.
Turn that around and help other to get what they want, this changes everything for you too. It takes time, but it will change.
My moment of realisation was deeply profound for me, I used to be part of this universe of love, and now I’m stuck in this pond of shit!
Ok, time to start dredging the pond!
This lifted me immensely, took me out of my “apparent loneliness state” and put me back on my path!
I’m always here to walk with you, if you need another head to make sense of what you are going through – my Medical Qigong therapy does exactly this!
Much love, and Hao La! (means everything is Good Already in Chinese!)
